


Albert

by Ahmose_Inarus



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 18:52:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4716740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahmose_Inarus/pseuds/Ahmose_Inarus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team discovers that their youngest team member has a little secret... Spencer Reid has a pet rock!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Albert

Sumer clung to life. It was September, the first day of Autumn was upon them, and Derek Morgan still had his air conditioner on. Sadly, the Bureau had their AC set on a schedule decided by computers. And the computers decided that on the first day of Autumn, the Air conditioner was no longer needed. And so it shut it off. And the Bullpen of the BAU was sweltering.

“… Mother Nature can go fuck herself!”

“Excuse me?” Reid asked, looking up from his case file at the sudden exclamation.

“It’s too damn HOT to do anything!” Morgan snapped, throwing his pen down.

“I know it’s frustrating.” Said Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner as he walked by. Even he had removed the coat of his suit. “They’re working on it.”

“They’ve been working on it for three hours.” Morgan bitched.

“I know, I know…” Hotch sighed. “They’ve assured me that it will be running again by the time we’re back from lunch.”

“Taking into account the size of the room and the ability of the unit that they have installed, it will probably take another three hours or so to get the Bullpen back to room temperature.” Reid announced. Morgan, Emily, and even Hotch gave the genius a disgusted look at that one.

Then, JJ walked into the bullpen. She was sipping from an iced tea, and was grinning.

“Guess what?” She announced.

“The AC is fixed?” Rossi asked, stepping out of his office.

“Better.” JJ said with a grin. “Strauss is sweating like a pig. Her office is ridiculously hot. She just threw a complete fit and said she couldn’t work like that. She’s leaving.”

“She quit?” Morgan asked, perking up. Hotch whacked him in the head with a folder.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” He said firmly, obviously grumpy from the heat himself.

“Strauss left. And she said that we can too!”

“… What?” Emily asked, as if she hadn’t heard that right.

“Strauss says it’s too hot in here to get any work done, and we can go home. And barring any cases coming in, we don’t have to come back until tomorrow when it’s all cooled down again!”

“No way!” Morgan laughed, looking thrilled. JJ grinned. 

“Way.” She said. “Strauss was pissed. She called whoever set up the computers to just turn off the AC on a random date a ‘fucking moron’.”

“NO WAY!!!” Morgan and Emily both exclaimed, looking delighted.

“You didn’t hear that.” Strauss announced, walking past the doors of the bullpen on her way to the elevator. The team stared after her, and then JJ, Rossi, Emily and Morgan burst into laughter.

“Well, screw this place!” Morgan announced, leaping to his feet. 

“Let’s all go out and grab some lunch before heading home.” Garcia announced, entering the bullpen.

“… I’m game.” Hotch said, trotting up to his office and tossing his folders on his desk, then grabbing his coat, phone, keys and briefcase and leaving it again. Chattering in their eagerness, the rest of the team gathered their belongings and headed out.

They ended up at a new seafood place called the Sand Bar, and ordered the Large Steam Deluxe. Several pots were brought out with steamed seafood; shrimp and crawfish, snow crab and Dungeness crab, Maine and Rock Lobster, clams and mussels, and large ears of corn and little red potatoes. The team just snatched what they wanted from the buckets and dug in.

“So what is everyone going to do when they get home?” Garcia asked, peeling a shrimp.

“I’m gonna take Clooney to the park!” Morgan announced cracking open a large Dungeness crab claw and dunking it in some butter.

“Mudgie could use a walk.” Rossi nodded in agreement, chewing his potato. “And a swim in the pool.”

“I’m just gonna chill in the AC at home with Sergio.” Emily grinned around her ear of corn. Everyone then looked at Reid. He looked around, almost startled, then shrugged.

“Well… since everyone else seems to be doing things with their pets, I think I’ll curl up on the sofa with Albert and read.”

“… Albert?” JJ asked. “Reid, when did you get a pet?” Everyone turned when Hotch was unable to hold back a snort. The man was grinning.

“Reid’s had Albert since he was a little kid.” The man said.

“Who is Albert?” Emily asked.

“Reid’s pet rock.” Hotch announced. 

Rossi deadpanned. “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

Reid winced and sunk down in his chair, turning pink… though it could have been because his attempt to peel a crawfish had just sent a crawfish claw flying over his shoulder and landing on the thankfully unoccupied table behind him. 

“Seriously, kid?” Morgan asked, looking at Reid with a genuinely curious look on his face after he was done laughing at Reid flinging his food around. “A pet rock? I never thought people actually DID that!”

“Well, when you can’t really have a pet, and you really want one, you take what you can get.” Reid mumbled, shrugging.

“Reid’s father wouldn’t let him get a dog.” Hotch explained, cracking open a lobster claw. “Reid’s mother is allergic to cats.”

“And with mom’s illness, and dad leaving us…” Reid shrugged. “It just… wasn’t practical. So… I’ve always had Albert. SONNOVABITCH!!! Let me try this with a crab leg, please?! The crawfish aren’t working!!!” And snickering, Hotch passed Reid a cluster of Dungeness crab legs. Reid scowled and got to work.

“When did you get him?” JJ asked.

“When I was seven.” Reid said, cracking open the large claw as he had seen Morgan do. He perked up when he pulled out the large piece of crab meat, dunked it into the melted butter and popped it into his mouth. “Mmmmm… I’ll stick with the crab.”

“Pass the crawdads.” JJ grinned, and when Reid held out the pot she snagged a handful.

“Taste came with the Cajun man?” Morgan asked, grinning and shooting JJ a wink.

“You got it.” JJ said with a laugh. “If you’ve never been to a Louisiana Crawfish Broil, you are missing out.”

“Like a New England Clam Bake, hm?” Hotch asked with a smile. JJ nodded, her mouth full of crawfish tails.

The tip of a crab leg went flying, and landed in JJ’s water glass.

“SONNUVABITCH!!! That’s it! No more crustaceans!!!”

“Here Spencer…” Hotch chuckled. “I’ll crack them for you…” And he proceeded to do just that.

When they got back to Reid’s apartment, the genius was still pouting.

“It takes practice.” Hotch was reassuring him. “And this was your first time eating these things?”

“Well… first time cracking and peeling them myself.”

“Then don’t fuss. You’re fine.” Hotch chuckled, leaning over and kissing his lover’s cheek. Reid grumbled and sulked off to the bathroom to take his shower. When he got out, he shuffled into the living room in his pajamas. And sitting there on the coffee table, was a cup of coffee, a brand new book he had never seen before… and his pet rock, Albert. 

The rock was about twice the size of Reid’s clenched fist, and it had an odd, slightly misshapen knob on one side. When he was a child, he had glued a strip of fuzzy gray fabric underneath that knob, and glued a pair of plastic glasses right over it, and then finished it off with a piece of the same fuzzy gray fabric on top, making the rock resemble Albert Einstein.

Reid smiled when hands fall to his shoulders and a kiss was pressed to his cheek from behind. “I’m going to go shower.” Hotch murmured. “I’ll be back in a bit.” And when he returned, Reid was curled up on the sofa reading the book Hotch had gotten him as a gift, with Albert sitting on the arm of the sofa beside him… and Reid was absently petting the rock. 

“… We need to get you a pet.” Hotch chuckled, and Reid looked up at him with a smile.

“Why?”

“Look at you! You’re petting a rock!”

“So?” Reid asked, grinning. “Albert is a good listener. He never betrays my secrets, he’s quiet and doesn’t disturb the neighbors, doesn’t claw the furniture or pee on the carpet, I don’t ever have to remember to feed him, he never needs baths, I don’t have to worry about him when I’m gone, I don’t have a litter box to clean, he doesn’t need a vet, and didn’t require a pet deposit! Why would I want to get an animal when I have him?” 

Hotch just chuckled, shaking his head. “Alright, alright…” He offered in surrender. He walked over and tugged Reid to his feet, kissing him. “Let’s head to bed.” And he wrapped an arm around Reid and scooped up Albert in his other hand. “He can sleep at the foot of the bed.” Reid blinked, and then grinned.

“Awww… I appreciate that, Aaron.”

“You had better.” Hotch chuckled, and set the rock down on the foot of the bed, making Reid giggle as he slid under the blankets. Hotch followed and took his lover into his arms, kissing him. Reid giggled again and wiggled, pushing Hotch away. 

“Shh! Not with Albert watching!”

“… Then he’s sleeping in the other room…” Hotch growled, pursuing Reid across the bed and pinning him down, repeating the passionate kiss and running hands over his lover’s body. Reid groaned and arched into the touches favorably. Their bodies shed their pajamas fluidly and entwined in passion. 

Neither heard the soft thump as Albert fell off of the bed and rolled underneath, not quite ready to witness just how adult his young master had become…


End file.
